baby rejecting mom after going back to workstonebrook neighborhood
I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. Please help..I think I am loosing my mind.. i know i need to love her now but do feel so sad when she pushes away from me. They dont remember, they dont understand why and it all becomes a hopeless power struggle. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. I spent a lot of time crying and have found it hard, but I have loved my son and spent 7 months with him looking after him playing with him feeding him etc. I want my baby to love me as much as I love her, but I understand I cant force that. This still happens when, for example, he seems disinterested in me when I pick him up from daycare. And as much as possible, have your wife join in. Chances are that he will start to listen and co-operate much better if you have more fun together. I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. Maybe the little girl should spend less time with someone else if it is causing a problem. The bond is there, and you obviously love her very much. The more you as her mom can help her both with attachment as a young toddler, but as a child growing more aware of her history, the emotions and questions it raises, the more you can help your daughter grow up as a happy, confident child. Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! Please help! Best of luck. His Aunt told me its just a novelty for him. For many adopted children, it certainly IS different t be adopted. Instead, these are 3 things that I didn't expect to be blessed with when going back to work. If a baby won't take a bottle, and is becoming anxious even at the sight of one, it may help to disguise it in some way. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. I just want to cry and cry. I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. If you try to make a young toddler behave properly (i.e. I am so sorry to hear about your situation and your pain. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. Our relationship has became better in the past few months and she seems to like me more than before. I am thankful that my MIL is there to help us out. It is good to know you are not the only one it is a hard thing to talk to anyone about so great to have a place to come and be honest with your feelings ..thank you. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! I have 11 month old baby and until 3 weeks ago I was 24 hours with him. I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. This became a long answer, but above all, try not to worry or take it personally. That doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. Try different positions 5. so that she wont see me as a monster trying to take her away? My husband and mother care for him while Im gone (Mon-Fri 12-7pm). It feels like going back to work is a relief, so I can just..get out of her life and let daddy make her happy. Adjustment takes time. Then she goes back to not wanting me at all the next day. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. Thanks. It hurts me so much inside and i dont know what to do. Hi everyone, Please someone help me with this I dont want to hate my mom but more than anything I dont want my son to bond better to her. Hi me too but my baby is only 4 months old. Try to reach out to your mom and ask for her help. Also, when you come home, try to be together with them together with your wife as much as possible, so that their separation anxiety regarding mom doesnt come between the three of you. I work 6 days a week an Im home at nights but when he sees me he wont come to me and when I pick him up he throws his head back an starts to kick an screaming an he either runs to his mom or anyone else an its really killing me inside an it makes me feel he doesnt want me but like everybody else Im the only one that can put him to sleep an calm him down but its just hurts me that he doesnt want to be around me my heart is broken I been told it was a phase but I dont know bout that What can I do to want him to want me? i have a baby girl who is now almost a month old. My mom says this is wrong and that i should just let her go. Getting the Right Child Care. my 13 month old is having the worth temper tandrums ever. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. blessings to you all. Try carrying your baby's photo with you at your workplace. Please dont give up. Do a couple of test runs before going back to work after baby. weekends wen i wanna spend time with my gal they comes in between n tells my husband to bring her over . Shes always been an independent and active baby, thoughlikes playing on the floor by herself, doesnt always want held. You can never get this time back. Instead allow yourself to really enjoy your time with your daughter. and I'll see you tonight! help please!!! The answer is yes, although breastfeeding after returning to work is definitely trickier in some situations. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. I then take her home and just when she starts to be happy with me, my husband comes home and I am nothing. will my daughter never love me or be close to me. I encourage you, because Ive been there, to seek help if youre struggling with depression. I have returned to work since and he always cry when I carry him? In addition, you could leave a used t-shirt them, to be used for naptime, for example, so your smell is as familiar as possible. When I pick her up from her caregivers house after work, I am so excited because I count down the minutes until I see my precious baby only to get her in my arms and have her reach out for her caregiver. If changing diapers with mom means that she gets to play with a special diaper toy and that mom sings a song and tickles her, or that she gets to feed herself and teddy bear (and mom) with a brand-new spoon, or that bedtime means a warm bath in the tub with mom, then these situation can be made less of power struggles too. Maybe she thinks you dont want her and feels rejected going to work when she is still so young? I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. I give him 100000 kisses daily and hugs to kind of make up for it. for a couple of hours, she just hugged me while eyeing him and after accepting the fact that daddy was really there in person, she just went 2 daddy like he never left. I want her to love me again! Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. Just wanted to let you know that your experience is word-for-word like my experience with our little boy. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). tis always lead me n my husband to quarrel ..i cant slp goes i am really very very deep down crying n dying. Which just doesnt help at all! :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! So Ive tried to improve, and honestly, Ive seen positive results very quickly. If i let her have her way, ill never get to be with her because she never wants me. That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. If she is secure enough to bond with your mother this quickly, chances are that the bond between you and your daughter will also happen very naturally and grow strong. So chin up, even when its hard. I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. My mom watches her while I work, and she seems to be more attached to my mom. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! I have a 2 year old daughter. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. Should I try to get my husband to do more of those things when possible, or will that just lessen the bond between my daughter and me even more?? They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. everyone will try to get him to say it and he just stares blankly at me, he does not want me to hold him, kiss him, or hug him! Unfortunately, I am a working mom (my husband works too). Much more effective than disciplining a child. For quite some time now (actually since my daughter was about 3 months old) Ive had this very same concern that my daughter does not love me. (And by all means, get the same kind of time alone with your three year old too!). I have no idea what to do I play with her, I am the person that teaches her everything she knows, I am the one who gets up in the night to comfort her, I am the one preparing food and doing all the motherly things that need doing cuddling and playing but she still doesnt want me most of the time. We share all parenting tasks equally, so it isnt as if he spends more time with her, though he was with her for a few months before he went to daycare (3-6 months). I feel like she doesnt need me at all, she doesnt care if i am around or not, when her dad comes to see her she gets happy and he only comes once a week and sometimes he wont come for 2 weeks!!! I understand so much the pain you are going through. why does my 17 month old ignore me?? except some weekends I have to work away from home (Overnight). Please, ask for help. I feel robbed of the moments that I didnt get to enjoy with him, she pushed to give him his first bath and has done so much as she says she is helping. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. That way, you will keep making enough milk and will be less likely to get plugged ducts or engorged breasts. I wrote on this post several months ago, when my son was 9 months old. She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. I dont know what to do. Though it is nice to know Im not the only one to suffer from a similar situation, it doesnt solve it. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. The "opt out" revolution of high-earning women exiting the labor force to have babies, widely publicized in the early 2000s, may have been overstated. I recently read a study about the massive positive effects of just spending 15 minutes with a child every day 15 minutes with 100% focus on the child. Hi sad dad, I say with us because me and her father are engaged and living together. If the baby doesn't like this, try again later. At around 7-10 months many babies go through stages of separation anxiety and stranger anxiety, meaning that they are terrified to be left alone and/or meet strangers. When you feel rejected, she will sense your reactions and you end up in vicious circle of guilt, sadness, rejection, and more sadness and guilt. Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. Which is great but I feel useless. I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. But to love a child DESPITE feeling downright unloved back is extraordinary, seriously. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. in the meantime I feel like a monster that frightens her ??! However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. Give your girl as much time, love, attention, and body contact as you can. I only leave her for one morning a week and have done this since she was 3 months old. This has been completely devastating to me. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. It really hurts. (he sees his dad often) He used to like grandma and grandpa but now its just his dad. I try to be a good mum, I stay at home and try to take her out every day to do new things, I play with her and sing her songs. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? . I guess i am being silly. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! She seems to want her father more and will only laugh at me. You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. I will try that and let everyone know how it goes. And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. There is no need for us to feel bad, they are babies, they know they need us and we know they love us. Speak with Your Boss. Thank you very much for the clarifications. Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. I do everything to make her happy and when she is alone with me she is happy but the moment she sees her grandparents or father she forgets me and rejects me. Hello- Im the mother who wrote when my son was 9 mos and again at 12 mos. How could she not with the kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most of the time. Do you think itll pass? She was a real daddys girl up to about 3 months ago. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. Its hard to deal with every time and heart-breaking. When you get back, you're still the #1 mom. Not that I know who to be cross with anyway.Ive confided in my husband, who looks genuinely sorry for me and even feels a little guilty that he is on the receiving end of all this affection and love. Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. Try rocking gently whilst feeding. read about this website and how it all started here. My partner goes away and when I am on my own we have a perfect routine and daddy comes home, she hits me and pushes me away. I take care of my son and love him and do the very best I can. I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. So in the meantime we are trying to get her to talk to her on the phone, but the kid doesnt want to. i also wrote here several months ago. One is of course that you and your wife need to start talking to each other on how to raise your child. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. Babies can feel our tension. I cry all the time. Try to not show any hurt feelings if she goes to her grandma; she obviously isnt doing it to hurt you and may become quite confused if she can sense your irritation when it happens. But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. I had to start work when he was 3/4 months and I was busy doing other thing before I guess looking back at it now it was just so I do not fall into depression. Her father does go out a lot with her on his days but I do not drive and all we do is stay at home. I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. i am a working mom. And if there is any way at all that you can get longer periods at home during this sensitive period, consider asking for it. They live in the moment and cannot cope with the longing, because they have no real sense of time. but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. There is a worker at her nursery who she is not keen on and she scratched her yesterday which puts me in the same category as her I guess. My mom stayed with me for the first four months to help me out. He cant be without her for even a minute. This always triggers a post traumatic stress response in me and takes me back that awful dark place it sounds like you are in. Hi all i am the farther to my 15 month old son & he is a loving child at home but as soon has we go to his Nana & granddads house he doesnt want to no me. i struggle with post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny. First thing to remember is to feed the baby. He wont come to me when I hold out my arms, wont play with me on the mat (where we were having a ball only a few hours earlier) and pushes me away when I hold him or cuddle him. Also she is obsessed with my mother and just ignores me or is mean to me. Hang in there! The study found 17 percent of women experienced anxiety. I know he is only 9 months but shouldnt 9 month old babies already recognise their mothers? Daddy stays home with her now and she is so attached to him. I have been struggling with the same thing for the last two weeks. this time we were alone in the room. Then try some of these methods: 1. I am sure she wants the best for her daughter, i.e. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. Anyway, he will be one in a week or so and Im happy to say that things are back to normal and this seems like a distant memory. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! I have been her sole provider since then, her father and I are no longer together, though she sees him often, but she seems to recognize him and holds her hands out to him and is so happy when he comes. xxx. In addition, I really think you should start reading books about adoption if you havent already. Quote #4. If she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun. My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. even though i felt rejected i didnt stop trying to hold her or trying to play with her. When he was 4-6 mos, a friend was holding him and he didnt want to come back to me when I asked for him. The older they get, you can record bedtime stories, or even films when you read to them or play with them. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. Somewhere around this age, babies start realizing that they are a separate person from their mom. It is heart-breaking, what can I do? Maybe the others can go out for a while during the weekends and you just stay at home and spend time together. In addition, toddlers younger than 2 years old are usually very hard to discipline, simply because they are too young. To be able to detach from your natural reactions to being rejected is not easy. Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. But I believe it can be solved. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. I feel like she associates me with all things bad (i.e. I was worried then that since she dealt with so many different nurses who were women, she wouldnt have a clue who I was. I really dont know :-( hope it will change in future.. :-( A Big Hug goes to all those mummies and daddies who are in the same boat as me! And I was the one at home. I dont think putting your whole life in a more stressful state by moving should be your first choice, in case living with your mom works well in all other aspects. You might feel really, really sad about going back to work, but you might also feel really excited. thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. And you know what? Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. Push her away and put your foot down. they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. So, maybe this isnt something thats recognized by a small child, but its eventually recognized, in my opinion. She is hungry, keep crying and screaming her lung out and looking for my breast. hi.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys. It is a short time when our children really need us as badly as when they are babies and young toddlers. While he seems to love me insofar as he smiles at me and reaches for me, he doesnt really notice if I leave to go in to another room or whatever. It hurt me so much, I feel as if lm not doing enough. Or maybe it is related still not your fault. I have 18mo old twins. 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Worry or take it personally mite like her could devestate me again, to seek help if struggling.
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